She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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