i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
