I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
