Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
