I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
