i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
