You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize