in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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