Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
