I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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