I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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