Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
