everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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