i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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