At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
