this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
