he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
