I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
