lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry about my life...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
