i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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