Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize