Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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