Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
