In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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