did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize