Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
