Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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