Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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