It's Friday. Sex?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
