I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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