my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
