So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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