Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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