I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
