Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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