She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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