We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize