clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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