take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
