I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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