I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
