well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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