he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
