just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
