mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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