No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
