please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
