So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
