we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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