Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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