i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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