i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
