the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This house was built for laser tag.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
