oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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