I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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