It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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