You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
North Korea, Best Korea!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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