oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
