You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
