i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
