My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
