Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
