Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
