remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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