Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize