this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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