I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
