I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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