i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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