areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
