I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
