Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it hurts more in the daytime
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
