Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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