How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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