What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
