I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
