is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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