In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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