We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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