Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
