we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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