yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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