if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
