if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
